September 11 2001
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What President Bush Really Wanted To Say
Good evening my fellow Americans.
First, I want to pass on my condolences to the people of New York and all
Americans that are hurting in this tragic time. You can rest assured that
anything and everything that can be done to assure the safety of our country
will be done. This is the greatest country in the world and we will get
through this trying time. Now is the time for all people to set aside our
petty differences and show the world that no one or nothing can destroy the
fortitude of the American people.
To the people responsible for today's tragedy, I say this:
Are you fucking kidding me? Are the turbans on your heads wrapped too tight?
Have you gone too long without a bath? Do you not know who you are fucking
with? Americans are so hungry to kill, that we shoot at each other every
day. We will relish that opportunity for new targets for our aggression.
Have you forgotten history? What happened to the last people that started
fucking around with us? Remember the little yellow bastards over in Japan?
We slapped them all over the Pacific and roasted about 2 million of them in
their own back yard. That's what we in America call a big ass barbecue. Ever
seen Texas on a map? Ever wonder why it's so big? Because we wanted it that
way, Mexico started jacking around with the Alamo and now they cut our
lawns. England? We sent them packing.
Ask your buddy Saddam about fucking with the good 'ole USA. The only reason
he got away the first time is because it's too hard to shoot someone when
you're doubled over laughing at them. Our soldiers aren't trained to laugh
and shoot at the same time. Now he couldn't stop a pack of cub scouts from
taking over his shitty little country.
Trust us, Afghanistan will end up a giant kitty litter box. Go ahead and try
to hide, Bin Laden. There's not a hole deep enough or a mountain high enough
that's going to keep your camel riding asses safe. We will bomb every inch
of the country that harbors him, his camps and any place that looks and even
smells like he was there. Hell, we might even drop a few bombs on people
that have pissed us off in the past. This is America. We kick ass. This is
what we do. Go ahead and laugh now, but the Tomahawks are coming and we will
smoke your sorry asses.
God bless America